It is interesting how easily a person’s mind can latch onto such experiences that they never wish to revisit, For years, she walked past this traumatic place as flashes of memories streamed back. For years, her mind avoided that part of her life but when the moment came for her to return, She had to grit her teeth and bear the pain. She had once promised to leave this place and never to look back but now they have gone. She must reclaim what is hers, the memories, the place, the pain - everything. She would tell herself that everything is going to be ok despite her heart’s desire to run as far away as possible.
Silence filled the icy atmosphere as she stared blankly out the window, watching the frozen forest rushing past. A deep husky voice broke the silence.
“ You alright?” How could she be alright? She was returning back to her dreaded nightmare. However, she feigns a smile, turns to face Darren to reassure him.
Turning into the driveway filled with painful memories. Opening the door, a bitter, cold wind pushed beside my body, like I wasn’t even there. I walked through the rough, log door into the dilapidated wooden cabin as Darren gingerly followed. The overpowering scent of cigars and the musty, bitter odour of whisky still hovers in the air. With each breath, flashes of my so-called father came back. I see him lazing around on the lounge, drinking, smoking, yelling, littering the floor with his discarded glasses and the ashes of his previous smoke. Leaning on the closest wall and gradually sliding down until I was crouching on the ground, rocking back and forth humming a familiar tune that had always calmed her down. Darren stood over her watching, uncertain what he should do and could only helplessly wait for her to pick herself up.
For the second time, he asked,
“ Are sure you can handle this?” However, ignored his question and ambled her way up the stairs. With every step up, she is pushed back with pieces of a horrific memory until she reaches the top and blinded the my flashing light of the screen of the TV that has never been turned off. All of the sudden, it was like a huge boulder crashing down on her as the painful and unwanted past floods back.
Indistinct yelling. Louder and louder with each step I took. Behind the action, a light shown from the static T.V. A shiny metal objet was being pulled back and forth.
Tears dripped down my cheeks while quivered with fear. My sister holding one end and my father on the other. Fighting over a craft scissors. Yelling at the top of their lungs. I watched as a blood-red droplet stained the creamed colour carpet. My eyes followed the invisible lines in which it originated. The scissors broke in half, one end stained with blood the other end untainted. Trickles of blood rolled down my father palm.
Outraged, with my sisters act. However I knew she was only defending herself.
Not only herself but for my sake too. His powerful arm reached out.
Fear washed over me, as I could not bear to watch what might come of this.
A high pitch scream suppressed within finally caved in before breaking the chaos.
Eyes watched over me as I trembled on my own two feet.
I stared into the darkness as afraid to open my eyes and see what terrible scene I missed. Two warm hands, protectively wrapped around me.
I knew it was my sister.
“ I want to go home” I whimpered.
“ You are home” she replied reluctantly. We both knew this was not home.
She opened her eyes, to find the red stain still on the creamed colour carpet. The T.V stared blankly back at her. She could barely stand as she felt weak in her knees. She stumbles her way back out to the frosty yard as she replayed the aching memory. From behind two muscular, protective arms wrapped around her. Supporting her weight in case she fell. She felt a never ending warmth pour over her from Darren. He rest his chin on her shoulder.
“ I want go home,” she stuttered.
“ I will go wherever you go, because home is with you,” He responded confidently. She turned around, embraced in the warmth of her husband while resting her head against his sturdy chest. This time she knew she was home.
