" Alright students, we would now be watching a video about the history of cars. Take mental notes on the video and we would be discussing the content of the video after." explained the teacher as she was preparing the video in front of the class. As I watched a video, I noticed how the modern cars was created and test for the safety of the car. The modelled car in video began accelerating towards a wall until it crashed into the wall resulting in the inflation of the air bag. As I watched that scene, I felt a sudden head rush as I saw flashes of my past race before my eyes. Bright Headlights. Tyres Screeching. A man wearing a black T-Shirt. Blood dripping. Shock yet relief expression. Screams mixed in with sirens. People everywhere from all directions. Crying, screaming, yelling.
" AHHHHHH," I screamed as I pushed my chair back and start crouching on the floor rocking back and forth. Simultaneously Belinda had stood up from her chair and knelt beside me, trying to comfort me.
" Dora, are you ok?" called the teacher as she made her way towards me.
" Not my fault, not my fault, not my fault. Right? Not my fault, he is still here. still here. Not my fault." I mumbled repetitively.
" Miss, I think I should take door outside for a while. She's. . . She is feeling a little stressed and traumatised." explained Belinda as I continued to rock back and forth repeating the same lines over and over again. Teacher looked at me for a second and then agreed as Belinda lead me out of the classroom into the playground. I could feel everyone's eyes including Darren's confused and concerned eyes, on me as the watch me stumble out of the classroom with Belinda. Belinda brought me to a bench near a tree as I continued to mumble the same lines over and over again.
* * *
" Dora, listen to me. It is not your fault. It was an accident. . . an accident. . . Understand An. . . Accident." comforted Belinda but I ignored her and continued to mumble to myself.
" DORA, Look at me." Belinda instructed as she lifted my head up to face her. I looked into to her concerned eyes and I immediately broken down into tears.
" Belinda, It is all my fault. It is all my fault. I shouldn't have ran onto the street. Than. . . Than he wouldn't save me and. . . and he wouldn't die." I cried.
" Dora, look at me. . . It wasn't your fault. You were young and you didn't understand nor did you know that it was a bad idea to run on the street. But you have to know he loved you, your dad loved you otherwise he would have never risked his life to save you. You were worth saving. Don't waste your life time that he protected for, on you crying over an unwanted accident. You know he loved you and you know your friends and family loves you. No one blames you. Ok. No one blames you." Belinda comforted. My sobs began to become more and more quieter as I began to process what Belinda had informed me. She was right, I had already went through some many therapy and wasted some much time mourning and blaming myself when nobody else did.
" Not my fault. No one blames me. Not my fault. No one blames me." I started to mumbled to myself as I reassured myself. The more I reassured, the more calm I felt and I constantly felt Belinda's silently next to me helping me feel my relaxed. After a few minutes I was feeling a lot better and a lot calmer.
" Belinda. . . I think, I'm ok now. Lets go back." I lightly smiled at Belinda as she nodded and stood up to return to the classroom. As we started walking towards the building, we saw Darren standing behind the tree his eyes filled we guilt and not sure what to say. There was a few seconds of silence until I was about to break the silence but not before Belinda. She looked passed him still angry at him from before.
" Let's go back to class. . . You should head back too Darren. The teacher would get worried." she said before taking me back to class. I looked at him as we passed by but he seemed a little to stunned to have noticed. I could hear him behind me as he followed us back to class.
" Ahh, there you guys are I was beginning to worry where you guys were and ask someone to search for you guys. Darren that was a very long toilet break, I might have to reconsider letting you go next time." greeted the teacher as we entered.
" Sorry miss, He was with me. He saw me at the bench earlier and came to check if I was alright. Sorry to have taken up his time for so long." I replied. The teacher understood and replied that she is glad we were safe before instructing us to go back to our seats as she continued our lesson.
* * *
It was the end of the school, Darren walked behind me as usual as we walked back home. This time it felt a bit different as I didn't know how to comfort nor did I know how to start a conversation with him after everything that had happened between us. Neither did he.
" Dora. . . Lets go to the park today." Darren finally said. This was the first time other than early today he had properly talked to me since he came back from the accident. I smiled, and agreed as changed my route and headed for the park. Once we arrived at the park we both sat on the swings, gentle rocking back and forth. There was an awkward silence but he decided that he had to say something before it was too late.
". . . I'm very sorry, Dora. . . I. . . I didn't know that. . . I didn't expect. . ." Darren stumbled. He paused before he whispered to himself " Come on. Why is this so hard?"
" It is ok, Darren I understand. You don't expect anyone to know about these feelings. Like I said before I understand." I confirmed.
" Look, I'm sorry. I really didn't wanna hurt you like I did."
" Don't worry. I was a little annoying but I wanted you to cheer up. I know you have to mourn after a loved one has passed on but you have to move on with life, especially what we have been through. Even though we were young and it is hard to let go of your parent or parents at our age or younger but what they did was for us to live on. It is for us to live a full and happily life and we can't let what they sacrificed for us go to waste right? Just like how Belinda comforted me. No one blames you." I cheerfully said. Darren smiled at me and nodded as he reassured that he would return to normal as soon as he can and stop letting me worry.
" And now, race you home." Darren called as he started to sprint out of the park while I raced to catch up.
" Hey not fair, you cheater." I yelled back as we ran all the way home and I felt that we had become a better and closer friends. We were both smiling, laughing and panting when we got home.
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