New Beginnings. Ch.4

Chapter 4: How could you do this to me?

Another sleepless night of tossing, turning and thinking. Not knowing what I should do and what decision to make. Towards the end of the sleepless night I had some idea what I was planning to do but wasn’t to certain. I was quiet as I sent my sisters to school and they were silent as they knew that I have many things worrying me recently. My sister asked me many times if everything was alright but somehow I happen to have blocked out what she said. Finally decided to take action, I had to receive such a shocking news, my heart immediately felt like it dropped into a black hole never to be revived. 

“ Alice, What are you doing with. . .” I stuttered

“ Oh, well I heard from Darren that you rejected him. So I decided to chase after him. I didn’t do it before because I thought u liked him but since you rejected then it means I can chase after him” explained Alice

“ What!? I didn’t. . . You. . . Huh!?” I said as I stumbled to get out a proper sentence. 

“ I didn’t reject. . .” 

“ Well that is what Darren had said so. . . I am chasing him. . . you are not going to try and stop your friend chasing after a guy she likes are you?” Alice interrupted 

“ When? . . .How? . . .Why?” I asked 

“ Ever since I met him, but I just suppressed does feeling cause I thought you like him but since you don’t I decided to pursue for the guy I like. Please help me” smiled Alice. I still didn’t understand. I thought she understood my feelings. I thought she knew how I felt about this situation. How could she? Why would she? What was I suppose to do?

“ Darren. . . Is this. . .”

“ Yeah. . . I am planning not to stop her, reject her or answer her just yet. But I am thinking about it. . . Since you. . . rejected me. . .” 

“ I. . .” 

“ Darren. . . Let go get your favourite toast from the school canteen.” Alice said is she pulled him away. Shocked. Depressed. Confused. Worried. Heart broken into a million pieces. Stumbled my way into the schools Bathroom and into a cubical. My hand was shaking as I took out the cylindrical Tourmaline and the necklace that hang around my neck. I know understand that it wasn’t the stone that gave me happiness. It wasn’t the stone that gave me courage to live on with my life but the person behind it all. Even if I have the stone, it wouldn’t bring my happiness, it wouldn’t bring me the warmth I want. It was him, it was always him. It was the one and only Darren. It is all gone. I can’t do anything about it because I don’t want to betray my friend like the way she did to me. I didn’t act when I need to and it is too late I have lost him forever. The thought of this brought tears into my eyes and down my cheeks. After the first two drops, the tears just began to pour down my cheeks endless just like the endless universe. 

“ Alice, was that really a good idea? I mean did you see her expression. . . I can’t bear to see her like. . . that. . . I am going to tell her.” 

“ Darren  stop, you can’t do that. If she is upset about it means she cares about this which she will find out that she really does like you and wants to be with you. Trust me I know her feelings. She is worried about change but I know she has the same feelings. I know her being with you would make her happier than is right now.”

“ If you say so. . . Can I ask when you said you liked me but you stopped because you thought she liked me was that true?”

“ Huh!? Why do you ask that?” Alice said shocked at what Darren had just asked. 

“ Just the way you said. It made it seem like you really had that experienced it.”

“ . . .Umm. . . Well about that, yes I did have feelings for you in pre-school. It was a small crush but I noticed that Dora and your eyes lightened up every time you talked. I knew that I didn’t have a chance, so it was easy to give up something that hasn’t become proper feelings. Now I just want to help Dora find true happiness and I know she would do it for me when I find the one for me.” explained Alice as Darren listened feeling slightly awkward after hearing the truth from Alice. 

Finally stopping my tears, I need to get an early leave for school as my eyes were bulging red and could not go to class looking like the way I did. However, once I arrived home, I couldn’t stop thinking about the unfortunate incident. Therefore, to stop myself from thinking I ended up cleaning, cooking, doing all my house chores and even my sisters share of work. Once the time to pick up my sisters, I rushed over and tried to display a happy and positive side of myself but from their expression I could tell it wasn't convincing enough. Reaching home, I kept myself busy not allowing myself to think about anything other than my own work that I wanted to complete until.

“ Umm. . . jie jie, you already cleaned the kitchen. Why are you cleaning it again?” asked Ella.

“ I. . . I forgot that I did. . . I. . . going to. . . I am going to go and do my homework. Have you guys finished your school homework?” 

“ Yes, we finished” said Avelyn said in a cheerful way. 

“ That’s good. Now finish your chores and then you can play, ok?”

“ Jie~ you finished our chores. . .” confirmed Ella

“ . . . Right. . . Well you guys, can go and play now. I will be upstairs doing my homework. I made dinner and it is on the table, so when you are hungry you can eat though you might need to heat up.” I explained to them before making my way to my room and study to the very peak of the night. Not just to the peak of the night but I continued to study until I need to leave for school the next day. During school I avoided Alice and Darren as much as I can then once I reach home after picking up my sisters, I do everything that distracts me from the unfortunate event. This was how I have past the next 3 days and 2 nights, where I rarely ate, slept or drank anything because when I rest, I can’t help but think about the incident that I don’t want to recall. In those 3 day, I constantly felt a strange nostalgic feeling as if I have done this before. On the fourth day, I was walking with Denise in the hallway towards our locker. Denise is a friend of mine that didn’t care about the wealth status like everyone else in the school did. While we were talking and walking coincidently we bumped into Alice and Darren the two people I didn’t not wish to see at this point. As we walked past I had become rather quiet as we walked closer and closer towards them to the minute we passed them. During the few seconds that we elapse each other, I felt this awkward and tense feeling and quite sure that everyone else had the same feeling. However that feeling did not disappear once we had passed yet it worsened, causing me endure lightheadedness as I gradually slipping into an unconscious state. 

“ Dora. . . Dora. . . Are you ok? Dora. . . Wake up!!!” called out Denise. Darren heard Denise’s call and immediately turn see me fall towards the ground. Instantly, he ran towards me and picking me up as he ran towards the schools infirmary with Denise and Alice trailing behind. While I was unconscious, I kept having dreams of Darren  going further and further away no matter how I called him, he will not look back. My fear of change has finally appeared in front of my eyes and my subconscious fear of losing the guy I liked, the friendship which I wanted to developed into a closer relationship. While I have been unconscious I have always felt a familar warmth that rolled into me non-stop but, I keep trying to reject it for some unknown reason. After awhile, I slowly become aware of where the warmth is coming from and slowly felt relaxed as I was showered by the warmth that brought my longed for happiness. From that point onwards I began regaining conscience and when I began opening my eyes I could see a blurred shape in front of me gradually becoming more and more visible. However when, the minute my mind believe that the person in front of my eyes was Darren, my first reaction was to sat up on the infirmary bed and hug him. 

“ Darren, please don’t leave me. I don’t want to lose you. I don’t want to lose someone I care so much about. Please stay with me.” I whispered immediately not even thinking thoroughly at what  wanted to say.

“ I promise you, that I would never leave your side. I would stay next you, love you and protect you forever and ever.” He replied in a comforting manner. I stayed in his arms, feeling secure, happy, and other emotions that I have never experienced in my life. It was all so overwhelming until the point I remember one important fact that I can not forget. 

“ Wait, Darren. What about Alice? Doesn’t she have feelings something for you?” 

“ Oh. . .Umm. . . About that. . . You see. . .”

“ Go on,” I urged him on.

“ Well. . . I told Alice about what happened and she had a plan to face your worry about change. She wanted you too open up to yourself, that is why she planned to pretend she liked me to make you jealous.” 

“ . . . Is that all? Because I have the feeling that what she said wasn’t fully a lie. Somewhere through her words, she made it seem as if she had experienced it before.”

“ I had the same feeling but she told me, she did have that feeling towards me before but gave up the minute she saw that we both had a spark between us. However, I beg to differ that the answer she gave me was accurate.” I returned back in to my overwhelming happy ad positive state even though in my mind I was worried about Alice and this experience that may have occurred. Meanwhile Darren explained to me that since I was awake he can send me home as the nurse said I was not stable enough to remain in school. Trying to prove Darren and the nurse wrong, I jumped out of the infirmary bed and walk towards the door. However the minute, I stood up my head began to spin and soon I was falling back down this time with Darren next to me to catch me.

“ I told you that you are not stable enough” said Darren in his ‘I told you so’ tone. Admitting defeat I allowed Darren to carry me as he took me to his bike so that he could take me home, coincidently recess had just began. All the girls watched in envy as Darren walked by carrying me on his back as I tried to hide my face. I could fell me cheeks turn red and heat up from all the attention.